At 41, my mother developed breast cancer. I was away at college during most of her treatments so my brothers cared for her during her illness. Shortly after my mother received her diagnosis, I found out that my grandmother had breast cancer at 39. Both my mother and grandmother survived their battle with the nasty disease. I guess at that time, I just expected it would happen to me. It wasn't a question of "if", it was a question of "when".
In my late 30's there was a genetic test available to see if I carried a mutation. The doctor left it totally up to me as to whether the test was something I wanted or not. I thought a lot about it and in the back of mind, I thought what if it is a question of "if". This would answer it for me. Part of me was convinced that the genetic test would come back negative and I would go about a normal life. It didn't. It came back BRCA II positive, which also added the danger of ovarian cancer and melanoma to my list of possibilities. I saw a genetic counselor and a breast surgeon. I opted to have my ovaries removed but wasn't ready to have preventative mastectomies at the time. I continued self exams and regular mammograms.
This summer, I scheduled my regular screening mammogram and I told my husband before I went, that something just felt wrong this time. I was right. I got a call back for additional views within a day or two. The additional views continued to show the mass and ultrasound verified that it was solid (i.e. not a cycst). I had a needle biopsy and when the radiologist asked me if I had any questions, of course I had to ask her opinion on whether or not it was malignant. She told me it was less than 1% that this mass was cancerous. "Once in awhile they fool us, but this looks pretty simple." I left feeling so relieved but still feeling like something just wasn't right.
Five days later, while I was on vacation, I got the very broad diagnosis that it was a breast cancer. I wasn't given much information and hadn't prepared any questions, because after all, the radiologist told me it was highly unlikely it was cancer. Although my family was angry that I had received such varied information, I was actually grateful! It bought me 5 days of not worrying about what my life was going to become. That diagnosis came on July 2, 2012 when I was 41 years old. My life has not been the same since! We finished vacation but everyday I worried about how significant my cancer was.
I saw an oncologist as soon as I got back from vacation and took in a ton of information, none of which I was ready to accept. The good news was that the tumor was hormone receptor positive and HER2 negative. The bad news was that the tumor was very aggressive. We talked about surgery, chemo and hormone therapy. I went home and went to bed for about 3 days. I refused to talk to anyone about it. On the third day, I was ready to get up and get on with things. I decided to be more aggressive than this tumor. I opted for a double mastectomy and hysterectomy. The oncologist said that a recurrence of this cancer would not be curable (3 year life expectancy). I wasn't willing to take any chances since I have a 6 year old who needs his mom!
It took some time to coordinate the breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, and OB/GYN to get the surgery scheduled. I felt great after the surgery; like surprising great! The cancer was Stage II and had not reached my lymph nodes yet. And then in the middle of the night some pain set in. I developed a large hematoma and had to go back to emergency surgery. Things after that weren't quite so great. I left the hospital with oxygen. The following week, I had another surgery to put the chemo port in. Again, I couldn't leave the hospital without oxygen.
I have had my first chemo treatment and it went better than I could have ever anticipated; a little nausea, diarrhea, and pain, but it wasn't unbearable. I have been told my hair will fall out but so far, so good! I cut my hair short and donated it to Locks of Love before I started chemo which made me feel really good that I was able to help someone out of my misfortune.
Outside of the medical details, I have found so much support and this is partly the reason for my blog. Between my staff and my husband's coworkers, we have not grocery shopped or made a meal in over 4 weeks. On the first day of school, all of my staff dressed in pink in support of me. Approximately half of my staff ran in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. My husband and I walked the 1K family walk and we both cried when I finished. I have never felt so surrounded by love, prayers and support! I am receiving get well cards from people I have never met, but friends have put me on their church prayer list. My MANY doctors have been fabulous! Anything I need is available through a phone call or a request. This horrible situation has helped me to realize that people are inherently good! I have felt rallied around, and held up, and prayed for when I no longer knew what to pray for. This has given me strength, courage, and the ability to find humor when I thought there would never be reason to laugh again. Don't get me wrong, I still cry. Often when I am alone at night, the tears will sneak up on me. But I have never asked God "Why me?" I know he has a plan for me and there is something I am supposed to gain from this experience. One thing I do know is that I WILL BEAT THIS!
So I am posting this to ask that if you find yourself in a situation where someone you know is seriously ill, rather it is cancer or some other disease, send prayers and cards, deliver a meal or an inspirational book, provide a note/email to say "I'm thinking of you today." These are things that can make all the difference in the outcome of the disease! Surely, these small gestures are not too much to ask to lift the spirits of someone who may not be able to do it on their own yet!
